This girl is more easily done than said...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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