dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
