I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
