he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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