She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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