:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
