I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
