He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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