nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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