well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
