he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
