There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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