Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
