I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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