hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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