the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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