Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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