OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
