Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sext me about skeletons
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
