I wish I could teleport
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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