hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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