I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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