Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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