Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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