I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think we might need a safe word for this...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
