if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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