Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
