I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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