Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
