the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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