Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
