like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
