He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
