hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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