Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
