Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
