what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She tied me up with her honor cords...
two words...techno handjob
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
