The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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