I didn't shave. On purpose
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
