things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
