You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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