y did u give ur computer a hand job?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
