The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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