Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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