There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
