Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
