for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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