Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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