why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
