I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
