my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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