things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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