I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
