i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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