Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
