Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
