I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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