My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
