fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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