$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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