Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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