I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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