Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
