Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
