Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
