If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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