my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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