If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
