70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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