Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
