Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize