she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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