y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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