just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
