I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
