Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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