Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
