there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
