I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
