Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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