How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
