And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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