Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
