If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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