He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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