I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
